Saturday, February 6, 2010

Steps 2 Trust

do i need this? Photobucket

yes i believe i do and i am not ashamed to confess. i guess those 'not in good terms' breakups in the past did tainted how i trust people around me. and i am not just saying this coz i still have some 'speedbumps' in my relationship with my beau, but to others who comes [stay] & go in my life. i learn to be better at it, but sometimes when days are just not going on my way, craps got the worse of me, and sometimes i had one those 'episodes' and always regret myself later 

i am relieved and so grateful that B is very understanding and helping me all the way. i'm sorry i hurt with some of those things u said, you know i'm trying best. ILU,B!

it'll be a year soon, and i know some people took longer time to decide if they want to go to the next chapter, and i know it's kinda fast for us. but i believed it's meant to be[mushy!]. with blessings from our parents, i know will get through this smoothly and forever be together being a complete person for each other. [now that sounds like a draft of a wedding vow ]

for now i live fellow 'drop by'ers this. 

How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship



Before talking to anyone else, ask yourself some serious questions. Are the trust issues coming from you, your partner or the past? Generally, even when one person is clearly at fault, there are contributing factors from both sides-even if it's one person making a mistake and the other overreacting. This creates a spiral of blame, anger and mistrust. Alternately, is the issue a relationship from your past that is affecting your attitudes toward the current one?

Ask your closest friends and family for their opinions. Don't lead them with your theories; instead, be open to their interpretations.

Tell your partner during a calm conversation what you are thinking. Avoid phrases like "We need to talk," which rarely precede something good. Instead, say something like, "I feel like we're having some trust problems, and I want to work through them with you."

Give him or her ample time to think before meeting at a pre-arranged time so that you both walk into the conversation on a level playing field.


Select a calm and neutral atmosphere and approach the situation rationally. If necessary, apologize for surprising him or her with this situation, but stress that it's from a position of love (or of whatever stage your relationship is in).

Set ground rules for the conversation. For example, if things begin to get heated, take time to cool down before resuming. State that this is not about blame, but rather about getting things into the open to repair them. It's like an infected wound that will make you sick if you leave it untreated, but will heal if you air it out and remove the infection (however painful that process may be).

Calmly talk about your theories and agree to be open to each other's interpretations. Avoid statements that begin with "you" and opt instead for ones that begin with "I feel." It's not about right or wrong. It's about solving the problem, no matter whose fault it is.

Set goals. Think of small ways you can restore trust. Not something cheesy like Trust Falls--perhaps setting a deadline for painting the garage and meeting it.

Meet the goals you set, and follow up after a few weeks. See if things are improving. If they are, set new goals. Know that this is a process: You can't build trust overnight, but you can over time.
**If the conversation fell apart, get extra help: Find a mutual friend who won't take sides and can keep you both level-headed. Have the conversation again with this friend in the room. This friend can tell you both when you're being unreasonable, and because it's a friend, they want to see you succeed together. A lack of trust doesn't have to signify the end, but if left untreated, it can destroy the relationship. Be prepared for this--with the hopes that knowledge of this may help both of you to come to terms with things. 

i know a lot of people are looking forward to the V-Day next week, so wish everyone in love, no matter what stages of relationship you all are, a better, happier, more meaningful love this year and many years to come.make that hingga hujung nyawa.Amin 

love & regards,

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